Thought of the day
...Just got off the phone with my daughter. Now I know why I'm out of the loop. Man, I am such an ass. In our conversation I asked her to be completely honest with me and tell me whether she trusts me enough to talk to me. Her response was, "I feel like you weren't around so much and you don't know me as a person well enough to tell me what to do with my life or offer advice." She also told me that she was upset that she couldn't be a big sister to my youngest son. She thought that I would’ve had her around more. The truth is I almost never have the money to fly her out to see me because of being broke so much. We haven't lived in the same state since she was eight years old. Looking back though, she is right. First of all, I should never have moved out of Washington where she lived at the time. It was a very foolish and selfish decision on my part. Second, in times past my finances haven't been so bad. I could've made better efforts to get the two of us together to see each other. Anyway, our conversation ended with her crying and handing the phone to my ex-wife. I wish she knew how much I love her. I have told her so many times over the years. I have made many bad decisions...selfish decisions. There are times that I wish she had a better man than I for a father. Well, I guess in a sense she can - if I become that better man. I just feel like I have failed her. It was my job to be a safe place for my daughter to come, but it remains apparent that I have failed in that regard. Damn!