Monday, February 25, 2013

Journal Entry - Daddy, you're not doing it right

Thought of the day

Men I speak specifically to you today about your daughters. I have an 18-year-old daughter and after recounting the events in my past I have come to the following conclusions. Cherish every moment you have with that beautiful little girl! Remember that she will not be a little girl forever. One day you will look up and she will be a grown woman dealing with real life and men like you and your friends - or worse yet your enemies. If you are the non-custodial parent don’t make excuses for why you can't do this or that. Just do it! The man who is in a relationship with your daughter's mother gets more time with your daughter than you so make your time count! Even if that man is a good man he is still not that girls biological father. You are! You don't want to be phased out and become insignificant. I mean we find creative ways to find time and money for pussy that we hardly care about, so how much more should we find a way to spend time with our daughters who are among the most revered and respected of all women in our lives? Tell her often how much you love her. Squeeze and kiss her at least daily or whenever possible. Please make sure she knows that she is beautiful and worthy of love - especially your love. Let her know that a woman’s worth is not defined by physical beauty but by her character. Show her how much you care by physically spending time with her. Have teatime with her, play dolls with her, take an interest in what she is interested in and do those things with her. Set the tone for what a good man is and how a good man treats a woman because she will look to your example whether conscious of it or not. 

If you’re married or otherwise in a relationship with her mother, show her how a man is supposed to love a woman by example. For that matter if you’re not in a relationship with the mother, out of respect for your daughter, show the mother proper respect while in her presence. You may hate her mother's guts but she is still her mother. 

I am not the one to really offer advice to anyone considering the condition of my life. I am just telling you all the things that I wish I would’ve either done or done better. Let my mistakes serve as a reminder of what can happen if you don't seize every moment possible to show your daughter how much you care. Remember that today’s daughters are tomorrow’s mothers and wives and that their fathers, good or bad, help define the manner in which they interact with men.

Journal entry

In an interesting turn of events, I just learned that my 18-year-old daughter and her 22-year-old boyfriend have been living with my ex-wife in Georgia not too far from UGA. This upsets me because my ex-wife lied to me previously by telling me that my daughter's boyfriend didn't live there. Basically, I'm the last one to know about this. Now, I completely disapprove of this decision for many reasons. However, the truth is that I have no real say in this matter because she is a legal adult. I'm so worried because my daughter is making some bad decisions right now behind this relationship. From my understanding they are working on getting jobs sufficient to support them living together on their own. Furthermore, while my daughter claims they are using condoms, she is not on birth control! WTF?! Has she learned nothing from my mistakes?  I mean, I was 17 when she was born! I feel that BOTH parties are responsible for ensuring that they use contraception. 

I think this is the most difficult part about parenting because when children become adults you can't control their actions via punishment or rules, and if they so choose, they can just move out of your house. More than anything I am hurt because I thought my daughter could trust me to talk to me about this stuff. I have never judged her. Perhaps the mistake lies in something more serious - not maintaining consistent communication and involvement. I've always paid child support and kept in contact but it seems it wasn't enough. I mean, that’s my little baby girl all grown up...well, legally anyway; and now she's living in the cruel world of adulthood. I hope she ends up better than me in the end. I just wonder what I did or didn't do that caused me to be left out of the loop...

...Just got off the phone with my daughter. Now I know why I'm out of the loop. Man, I am such an ass. In our conversation I asked her to be completely honest with me and tell me whether she trusts me enough to talk to me. Her response was, "I feel like you weren't around so much and you don't know me as a person well enough to tell me what to do with my life or offer advice." She also told me that she was upset that she couldn't be a big sister to my youngest son. She thought that I would’ve had her around more. The truth is I almost never have the money to fly her out to see me because of being broke so much. We haven't lived in the same state since she was eight years old. Looking back though, she is right. First of all, I should never have moved out of Washington where she lived at the time. It was a very foolish and selfish decision on my part. Second, in times past my finances haven't been so bad. I could've made better efforts to get the two of us together to see each other. Anyway, our conversation ended with her crying and handing the phone to my ex-wife. I wish she knew how much I love her. I have told her so many times over the years. I have made many bad decisions...selfish decisions. There are times that I wish she had a better man than I for a father. Well, I guess in a sense she can - if I become that better man. I just feel like I have failed her. It was my job to be a safe place for my daughter to come, but it remains apparent that I have failed in that regard. Damn!

Until next time...

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