LifeLiquid: Two liquids necessary to sustain human life in both the literal and figurative - Blood and Water.
I will deal with the issues of life that make us move, think, act, love, and exist. If it incites an emotion or affects the physical health of your body I will cover it.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Today I embark on a new journey. Today I
choose a path less traveled. Today I become transparent in the eyes of anyone
who so chooses to see. My hope is that my story will help another person who
has walked in my shoes; and perhaps give understanding to someone who is
involved with someone who has walked in my shoes. You see, I believe that
everyone wants to be able to look back on their life, regardless of age, sex, national origin, religion, etc and be happy with the decisions that they made. No one
wants to play the woulda-coulda-shoulda game and live with regret. No one wants
to feel like their life was a waste and that the world would've been better off
if they had not been born. I have to admit that I have looked back…and I don't
like what I see. While I am happy with who I am at my core, I am loathed to
think about what would've been if I had made better decisions. However, I want
to be a better person in the future; and to the extent I can, I want to help
others do the same.
Me, now and age 4.
For this reason I have decided to open
myself up on a more personal level in my blog. I want to let people out there
know that they are not alone in their struggle and things can get better!
Admittedly, my life has not reached the point of "better". However, I
have chosen to try and make that happen. There are many people out there who,
like me, have been in many ways handed a raw deal in life and are
left wanting when it comes to the help and support system necessary to thrive
in a positive manner. Like me, they have tried desperately to be happy and to
feel loved by another only to both hurt and be hurt by others. I don't propose
to have the answers for anyone’s problems. Hell, I barely have the answers for
my own. What I do have is a love for people, strong conviction, and a belief
that true love, real friendship, and happiness exist for everyone if we so
choose to pursue it. My thought is that by me being transparent, another person
can benefit somehow by hearing my story. To this day, I still struggle, I still
hurt, and I still long to find that happy place wherein I feel safe and loved.
So, for those interested, lets struggle together.
From this point on I will be journaling my
day to day life as well as going over past events in my life and giving my
thoughts on what I thought went wrong and right. Hopefully it will provide you
with insight on what made me what I am. In addition to my day to day
journaling, I will be blogging about topics that pertain to my life such as it
is, staying true to what I have called Life Liquid as I have defined in my
opening blog post. I'm still working on the specifics of how it will all work,
but for now I ask that you read my words and know that they come from the very
depths of my soul with the purpose of helping us all be better lovers, parents,
friends, and citizens.
My mother and me
That being said, let me end this first
journal entry by giving you a little of my background. I was born November 5,
1976 in Seattle, WA. According to my mother I was a product of rape, so of
course I know nothing of my father. Neither do I know any of his family - my
family. I was raised the only black child in a family of white people. This of
course was never really weird to me because it was all I ever knew. They all
treated me no different than anyone else; and for that I am thankful. I am the
oldest of four boys and one girl. My mother's first husband, the first and only
man I ever called dad, beat both my mother and me routinely when he got drunk
or whenever he felt it necessary, and is the father of my sister and oldest
younger brother. My second stepfather, who is 10 years older than I, is the
father of my two youngest brothers. He was a pretty cool dude as he was the
complete opposite of my first stepfather. His issue, quite honestly, was that
he was a bit of a “floppy cock” who didn’t really stand up for himself. My
mother has a strong personality and walked all over him. I personally think she
stayed with him because she knew he would never beat her and accepted her with
three kids. They to this day, though not together physically, are still married.
Don’t ask me why 'cause I have no idea.
Me at age 17
At the age of 18 my girlfriend of
three years got pregnant with my daughter who was born on July of 1994. At
18 I joined the military and, being pressured by my local church, got
married becoming a husband and father of two children. Yes, two children. My
first wife had a son when we met who is four years older than my daughter.
Approximately seven years later, at 25, I got divorced. Not long
thereafter I had a rebound relationship with another woman with whom I had my
first son who was born in September of 2002. We, having no future together,
separated and I moved to Kansas City, MO where I met my second wife. We married
in 2006 and she gave birth to my youngest son in July of 2009. Then in January 2011 we movd to DC. We have since divorced and I now live the "single life" where
I have decided to work on me and help raise my son. For the record, I pay child
support and I am involved in my children's lives to the extent geography and the mothers allow.
There is of course more to the story but
that's just a start. Over time I will give more information about my past as
you follow along with me on my journey towards a better tomorrow. On this
journey, I promise one thing - I will give you the raw truth and I hope you
will walk away with something positive. Please feel free to comment or ask me
any questions you want, as I am always willing to share.